• For all things homely, visit my Life on the Home Front blog 
• For peace and solitude, visit my Seeking Silence blog
• For the wisdom of our Holy Father, visit Benedict Everyday
• Visit my page on Saint Therese and I will pray for you!

Happy Bird-day!

I dare you not to think that this is just the cutest picture…

…makes me long for Spring!

randomness

Just some random thoughts and pictures…

This is a photograph I took while on a long walk through the woods when I was away last weekend. I was struck by the light hitting the path through the trees, and thought of the verse “Thy word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my paths.” (Psalm 118/119:105). Some times life can feel like we’re stumbling around in a dense wood in the dark, forever bumping into trees and getting snagged on branches. God’s Word to us can provide direction and guide us into His way and His truth.

This picture I love! It is “The Lord Calleth Thee” by Charles Bosseron Chambers and I found it on an amazing site called Restored Traditions which is full of lovely traditional-style paintings. It really moved me in its depiction of Mary standing at our side, surrounding us with her Motherly love! As you have probably guessed by now, I have a very Marian faith, which draws me closer to Jesus, which is always our Holy Mother’s will!

This is a pineapple upside-down cake I made recently, a lovely combination of spongy cake and sweet, juicy fruit. It’s lovely either eaten hot with custard as a real pudding, or eaten cold the next day, perhaps with a little bit of cream. I shall be saying goodbye to such delights in Lent!

Another photo taken last weekend, of a cute little bench completely enclosed in a hedge! It was lovely to sit in there, and “come away” with God…like an outdoor prayer closet. I spent a reflective half an hour in there, wrapped up against the frost and cold, just resting in God’s presence and listening for the “gentle whisper” to my heart. It is something that is so easy to neglect during busy, everyday life, so I took the chance while I could. No people, no chatter ~ just the sound of the wind and the birds in the trees above.

Now for something completely frivolous! I have had my haircut a little shorter than usual, and am trying to convince myself I look just a little bit like Lady Julia Flyte (ie Diana Quick) from the original (and best!) “Brideshead Revisited”. Unfortunately, this is just wishful thinking on my part, but never mind ~ the hair’s about right!

How about posting some randomness too, and linking here? Have a great day!

Picking up pins for love of God

Yes, it is a strange title for a blog post! But bear with me…

On Saturday evening, I was watching Mass on EWTN, and the homily really spoke to me, in many ways. It’s main theme was prayer, but about 3/4 of the way through, the Priest said something which has stuck in my head ever since (“stuck” being the operative word!) He mentioned St. Therese, and how, when embroidering as a sacristan (something she didn’t enjoy doing) she kept dropping her pins. Every time she dropped a pin, she became more frustrated. Then she heard God say to her “pick up a pin for love of me, and save a soul”. She interpreted this to mean that any act, however small and mundane, if done for the love of God, becomes a prayer that He can use, for our good and His glory.

So, this weekend, I have been meditating on pins! I don’t do a lot of sewing, but never-the-less, there are many little, potentially frustrating jobs that I do every day: wash a dish for love of God; sweep the floor for love of God; change the baby’s nappy for love of God; chop the vegetables for love of God; tidy away the toys for the umpteenth time for love of God. Make each and every action into a prayer by offering it to His service, and God will take your prayers and use them as He sees fit ~ and yes, perhaps to save a soul!

All this thinking of pins has given me an idea too ~ I am not very good at sewing, but I am going to make some pincushions as presents for people for Christmas, studded with lots of pretty coloured pins, and put in a pretty box. And if I keep dropping the pins…

The Rule of Saint Benedict: obedience

One of the plus points of my weekend away was the sessions we had on the Rule of Saint Benedict. Whilst I did not agree with all that was said (which I think is quite normal with such things) there was a lot of good, meaty stuff contained therein…

One of the subjects we considered was obedience. In the Rule of Saint Benedict, a whole chapter is devoted to this subject, one paragraph of which talks of obedience to our superiors:

This obedience, however, will be acceptable to God and agreeable to men then only, if what is commanded is done without hesitation, delay, lukewarmness, grumbling or complaint, because the obedience which is rendered to Superiors is rendered to God. For He Himself hath said: “He that heareth you heareth Me” (Lk 10:16). And it must be rendered by the disciples with a good will, “for the Lord loveth a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:7). ” For if the disciple obeyeth with an ill will, and murmureth, not only with lips but also in his heart, even though he fulfil the command, yet it will not be acceptable to God, who regardeth the heart of the murmurer. And for such an action he acquireth no reward; rather he incurreth the penalty of murmurers, unless he maketh satisfactory amendment.

The Rule of Saint Benedict: chapter 5

Most of us, unless there are any Monastics reading this, will not be bound to obedience to our Abbot/Abbess ~ but as Catholics, we are bound to obedience to the Holy Catholic Church, the Magesterium and the teachings of our Pope. Dissent, which seems to be rearing its ugly head everywhere at the moment as I talk to people, and read with dismay the antics of the “Stand Up For Vatican II” group (who I refuse to link to!) is a short cut to the wide path which leads to destruction. Suggestions of forming Parish groups to “discuss” and “put views forward” on subjects such as womens’ ordination, contraception and the new liturgy (to name just a few) are irrelevant. It is not up to us, the laity, to tell the Church what is, and is not, in our (not so humble opinions) right! Neither is it acceptable to murmur (grumble) about Church teachings, or obey with an “ill will”. The will of the Church is the Will of God made clear to us, and we obey out of our love for Him. Christ’s obedience to God was absolute, and He is our example.

Saint Benedict’s namesake, our Holy Father, Benedict XVI, has made his views quite clear…

“In a social milieu that encourages the expression of a variety of opinions on every question that arises, it is important to recognize dissent for what it is, and not to mistake it for a mature contribution to a balanced and wide-ranging debate. It is the truth revealed through Scripture and Tradition and articulated by the Church’s Magisterium that sets us free.”

Benedict XVI’s address to the Bishops of England and Wales: 1/02/10

Our response to these words should be an immediate and wholehearted “Yes!”

conference

I have been away on a  conference about Benedictine spirituality. I was thinking of it in terms of a retreat, but retreat is the wrong word, as I came back feeling very tired and unrefreshed. Last night at home I was too tired to do anything but slothfully collapse in front of the tv and catch up on missed episodes of Star Trek Voyager which my husband had recorded for me (“my name is Mrs.Pogle, and I’m a Voyager addict”). This was different ~ usually after a retreat, I find it hard to enter the real world again, and just want to sit quietly and reflect on what I have learned/heard from God during my time away. This time I couldn’t wait to get back home, and my mind stubbornly resisted reflecting on the weekend experience.

I am aware of why this is today, as I have thought some of it through. Parts of the weekend were very uncomfortable for me, as I was the only Catholic on an Anglican retreat, and made the mistake of attending (although not participating in) and Anglican communion service. It was a difficult experience, and one which does not sit well with my conscience. Overall I really struggled to connect with God all weekend, and I engaged with my head but not my heart. My experience of His presence came while I was outside in nature, walking through the woods to a seat high up at the top of a long, zig-zag path, where I stopped, sat and prayed. God did reveal Himself to me through that walk, and I am grateful for that. I have some lovely photographs of my prayer-walk which I will share at some point.

I have come away very aware that my sense of ecumenism comes from dialoguing and friendship, but not through sharing worship. We are separated. It wasn’t the Eucharist. I missed the Real Presence of the Blessed Sacrament which has anchored all my other retreats, and whilst I made some friends, and was blessed through small graces, I am glad to be home…

That’s all.

Heavenly Music: All Angels ~ Sull Aria

…and notice the painting of the Virgin and Child in the background

I listened to this on the way to work this morning! Beautiful!

there’s something about Mary…

…which invokes strong reactions in non-Catholic Christians. Often, any mention of the Rosary, or the role of Mary as Mother and Mediatrix provokes an almost hysterical, foaming at the mouth reaction. What is it about Mary? I often find, that in an attempt to back these reactions up, Mary is reduced not just to the level of an ordinary human being, but particularly a sinful, ordinary human being.

I see fear in this reaction. What is that all about?

One of the reasons (not the only reason, but certainly a significant part of it) I converted was because I had developed, quite naturally, a devotion to Mary, which in my Baptist Church I had to hide. But at home, alone, I learned to pray the Rosary, and felt her love towards me. I know now that she was instrumental in leading me to the Catholic Church.

I think one of the common misconceptions held by non-Catholics is the “great myth” that we worship Mary. This is not the case! Worship is for God alone, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We venerate Mary as the Mother of our Lord, and offer her the respect and love that is due to her who, after Jesus, is the most honoured human being. Think about it ~ Mary, the Theotokos, the God-bearer, the one who gave birth to God! This elevates Mary above all other mortals, she who felt Jesus move and kick and squirm beneath her ribs. Mary is the New Eve, from whose womb emerged the salvation of the world, Jesus Christ. How could we not give her the place she deserves in God’s plan?

Another issue which inevitably crops up again and again, is the misunderstanding of the part Mary plays in our prayer life. The Catholic prays to Jesus through Mary…that doesn’t mean we never pray directly to Jesus, God or the Holy Spirit. But at Cana, Jesus turned the water into wine after His Mother alerted  Him to the fact: “And the wine failing, the mother of Jesus saith to him: They have no wine” ~ so we can ask Mary to intercede for us with her Son. “Why would we want to?” some might ask. Sometimes, we may be in need of a Mother’s love, a Mother’s understanding, a woman’s touch. There have been many times when I have felt enfolded in Mary’s “blue mantle”, and felt the love of her whom Jesus gave to all of us as our Mother at the foot of the Cross.

If anyone objects to the idea of Mary interceding, i.e. praying for us, then I would ask them: “would you ask your earthly mother to pray for you, or your sister, brother, friend?” Of course they would! Our instinct as Christian beings in community is to ask people to pray for us in times of trouble and distress, when a loved one is sick, or when we are unable to pray ourselves. I see no difference in asking my Heavenly Mother to pray for me, she who pronounced ”all generations shall call me blessed”, who was “full of Grace”.

Unfortunately, there are those who cannot or will not accept this, and feel the need at every opportunity to argue against us. Sometimes this can cause great hurt, just as it would if someone did not give our earthly Mothers the respect they deserve. I would like to make a plea to these people ~ if you do not understand or agree, please allow us to practise our Catholic faith without having to dodge your missiles. If you wish to receive respect, then please learn how to offer it to others. And may Our Holy Mother intercede on your behalf

on not straying from the path

Hypothetical situations…

You meet someone on retreat. They identify themselves as Catholic. They come across as an insightful and spiritual person. Then as you get to know them better you discover that  they refer to God as “She/Godde”, support women’s ordination, feel that you subjugate yourself by wearing a mantilla, are pro-contraception and pro-abortion and criticise the Church hierarchy at every opportunity. 

Or there are a group of women you sometimes meet with who are of the older generation. They long for another “renewal” in the Church, and talk of the repressive nature of the Church before Vatican 2 ~ ideally they want a Vatican 3 as they feel V2 didn’t go far enough. As you spend more time with them, you find that they have rejected confession of venial sins as unnecessary and antiquated, regard Latin Mass as something out of the ark, think that the Catholic Church should have an “open table” and don’t believe in the existence of hell amongst other things.

In both circumstances, you feel a sense of conflict between your own views and theirs. You want to respond to them as people, and see their good qualities, their kindness, their offers of friendship. On the other hand, you might find it’s hard to connect and still maintain your sense of integrity. Do you remain silent as they talk about these things, or do you engage them in discussion, and risk ending up feeling like some kind of archaic, repressed, unenlightened traditional Catholic who hasn’t moved on with the rest of the world?

We are called to interact with all sorts of people on our journey of life and faith, and to recognise the God-within-them, made as they are, in the image of Christ. But we are also called to speak our own spirit of truth, and to hold fast to what we believe in. Uneasy truces can be forged, as long as we don’t feel pressured to go along with beliefs and understandings that conflict with our own. There comes a point at which we may need to say “that’s not what our Mother, the Church teaches”, and at that point we may be rejected.

It is easy to allow ourselves to be influenced by what others believe, but it is more important to stay true to what we feel God is speaking to us, and to gently reject anything which we feel is not true to the teachings of the Church. Most times we can do this without alienating the other person, but at other times, dialogue may feel hard, almost impossible. In those cases, it is best to pray, for them and for you, and to leave the rest with God, for we are each called to work out our own salvation, “with fear and trembling”.

I choose these two examples, as they are similar to current situations I am struggling with (albeit changed somewhat to protect identities). I have felt on the edge of a group for some time due to my different point of view. It has not been easy, but God has given me the grace to both deal gently with these people, and to hold fast to what I truly believe in. Discernment is important, because sometimes erroneous views, at conflict with what the Church really teaches, can drip-drip their way into our consciousness, and lovely as people are, we sometimes need to be aware of wolves in sheeps’ clothing. Satan loves to sow discord and confusion. Please pray for me, and others, who are struggling to maintain our integrity in difficult times.

Monday morning catch-up

Monday morning again! How time flies when you’re busy…well, grab a cup of coffee (or tea if you prefer), sit yourself down and we’ll have a natter for a few minutes.

Life goes on apace chez Pogles’ Wood, home; family, work. Nothing new and exciting, but plenty of opportunities for God to reveal Himself through the ordinariness of everyday life. This last week, my youngest daughter, who is now 36 weeks pregnant, has been poorly with a viral, flu-like infection, so I’ve spent a fair amount of time with her, helping out with shopping and children. Her husband sometimes works away overnight, so I then go and stay for a sleepover, which is a good time for both of us to catch up…then back home to my other daughter and little Grandson, so much of my week revolves around my Grandchildren ~ and soon there will be 4 of them!

Otherwise, I have not been so wise with my time! I have got into the habit of watching Star Trek Voyager on tv, sometimes recording episodes and catching up at the weekend. This weekend I watched 5 episodes!! I am watching far too much tv lately Just imagine if I spent 5 solid hours in prayer each weekend, the difference it would make to my life. I think I need to cut down and limit myself to only 1 episode a day!

But, this weekend coming up, I am going away on retreat, to a lovely conference centre not far from where I live. It’s a bit hard to get to as it’s out in the sticks, but the lovely people at the centre are picking me up from the local station to save me trundling down country roads in the dark! The theme for the weekend is “The Rule of St. Benedict for the 21st Century”, which sounds good, and it is led by an Anglican vicar who is in my Oblate Group. I am so looking forward to just getting away and relaxing in lovely countryside. There are 70 acres of woodland to explore, which I will do when we have free-time on Saturday afternoon, so I will be taking warm jeans and sturdy boots. This is the centre itself, which looks beautiful!

See, I told you ~ nothing particularly interesting going on with me at the moment, but thanks for dropping by. I shall pray for all my blog readers, known and unknown, while I am away…and here’s a prayer for Monday morning for you:

We esteem Christ above all people, for he was filled with grace and the Holy Spirit.
In faith let us implore him:

Give us your Spirit, Lord.

Grant us a peaceful day,
when evening comes we will praise you with joy and purity of heart.

Give us your Spirit, Lord.

Let your splendor rest upon us today, direct the work of our hands.

Give us your Spirit, Lord.

May your face shine upon us today, direct the work of our hands.

Give us your Spirit, Lord.

May your face shine upon us and keep us in peace,
may your strong arm protect us.

Give us your Spirit, Lord.

Look kindly on all who put their trust in our prayers,
fill them with every bodily and spiritual grace.

Give us your Spirit, Lord.

Amen

Haiti

I feel I have to face this at some point… 

I read this post yesterday, Haiti and Helplessness, and immediately connected with Rae’s words, especially these: 

I tried to figure out why I was blocking the information. Why was I not caring? 

The answer was obvious: I cannot handle it. I have a special Haiti-shaped blinders to keep information away from from me. 

…and I too have found it so difficult, virtually impossible, to focus on the horrific images which I see every day on the television. I question myself, I ask “am I uncaring?”, “does it not matter to me?” but it does matter. It matters more than I can cope with  

A few years ago, I followed the Hurricane Katrina disaster very closely on tv, and eventually felt so overburdened by the horror and devastation, I went into a bit of a meltdown. I recognised the same feelings a few days ago, on seeing an image of a tiny baby with a bandaged head, left dead at the side of the road in Port-au-Prince, wrapped in a  plastic bag. I am ashamed to say so, but all I could do was to close my eyes against the image… 

One of the things which is upsetting me the most is the length of time it is taking for help to arrive, while the people of Haiti, already poor, wait and wait without medical aid, food and shelter and in some cases even water. It was the same with Hurricane Katrina. They waited and waited and the world helplessly watched and waited with them. Why wasn’t anything being done? When would help come? I remember weeping and praying, and praying and weeping until I could neither pray or weep any more. 

But slowly, help is trickling through, prayers are being answered. This Reuters Report describes the very important work being done by the Catholic charity, Caritas Internationalis: 

In a massive swell of solidarity, Caritas organisations have sent 200,000 blankets, 15,000 tents, water cans and purification tablets, as well as food water and hygiene kits. Twenty trucks of aid arrived in Port-au-Prince on Sunday.

Caritas has set up two mobile operating theatres with pre- and post operative care and provided medicines and fuel. Six mobile clinics are also planned.

An emergency clinic is being flown in from Holland. The Dutch plane also will contain a surgeon, six technical staff for installing water purifying installations and seven water purifying installations.

Thirty-four tonnes of aid will be flown into Haiti from Germany on Tuesday. Half will given out in Port-au-Prince and the other half will be distributed in Jacmel, in the south of the country. A ship with 80 containers of food has also arrived.

The real strength of Caritas is its network of parishes that gives us direct contact with communities and a point from which we can provide help, said Alistair Dutton, Humanitarian Director for Caritas Internationalis, who is leading the international coordination of the Caritas aid agencies response from Port-au-Prince. 

It is a start! And despite the feelings which threaten to sometimes overwhelm me, I will continue to watch and pray and give in any small way I can. Please join me. Even if it’s only the small change in your purse at the end of each day. It all adds up. Donate here.

 

God of all creation, as we weep with our family in Haiti, console us. In this time of crisis, open our eyes to look beyond the disaster to see Christ in our brothers and sisters in Haiti, as Christ sees us. 

Be with all creation; strengthen us in solidarity with those living and working in Haiti. All creation returns to you in mourning and your grace guides our efforts to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, comfort the grieving and stand for justice. 

With your mercy, sustain us at this time as we continue to work for peace and justice.

Amen. 

Care of Catholic Relief Services/CRS 

---

Dios de toda la Creación, mientras lloramos con nuestra familia de Haití, consuélanos. En estos tiempos de crisis, abre nuestro ojos para que podamos ver, más allá de la catástrofe, a Cristo en nuestros hermanos y hermana de Haití, como Cristo nos ve a nosotros.

Acompaña a toda la Creación, danos la fuerza, en solidaridad con aquellos que viven y trabajan en Haití. Toda la creación responde con luto y Tu gracia guía nuestros esfuerzos, dando de comer al hambriento, refugio al sin techo, consuelo al que sufre, y defendiendo la justicia.

Con tu misericordia, ayúdanos en estos momentos, mientras seguimos trabajando por la paz y la justicia.

Amén.

De Catholic Relief Services / CRS

resolutions

…of the New Year kind!

I didn’t rush into making New Year resolutions so soon after Christmas, while I was still recovering from tiredness and busyness, but put it on hold until I had managed to get a firm grip on my life again. In the last couple of weeks, I have given it more thought, with a clearer head, and come up with the following ideas for the coming year.

This year, I have decided to do something to improve myself! I had first thought of signing up for an evening class at the local college, but after perusing their prospectus, I couldn’t find anything that grabbed me, not wishing to learn another language, improve my IT skills, or practise yoga/flower arranging/cordon bleu cookery/jewelry making. It all seemed to be missing the point which needed stimulating! Instead, in the last week, I have contacted the Julian Meetings which are small groups which practise contemplative prayer together. I attended a couple a few years ago, but at the time found it difficult to continue for practical reasons. Now I feel the time is right again, and will attend the next meeting on January 25th.

Another resolution was to finally sort myself out regarding my Parish Church, and where I feel I am supposed to be. This is something I have struggled and tussled with for almost a year, staying put to see if things get any better. I don’t want to go into details, but I have made a decision which I feel is the right one…now the important thing is sticking to it. It will cause me some inconvenience in that I shall be travelling further afield to get to Mass, but peace of mind and the silence, reverence and beauty in the Mass I crave so much is worth a few extra bus journeys a year!

The third resolution is a very practical consideration. I have recently felt convicted about my spending, and about the amount of stuff I own! I had intended to fast from personal spending for Lent, but feel I need to do this now. I feel quite ashamed at how many clothes/shoes/books/possessions I have, and how easy it is to acquire more at a whim. It’s too easy when one has an e-Bay/PayPal/Amazon account to just click and spend. It’s too easy to go out and buy whatever takes my fancy whenever I fancy it!  I’ve always been pretty good at resisting household appliances ~ for instance, I don’t have either a dishwasher, tumbledryer or microwave and I could never justify spending hundreds of pounds on fancy gadgets such as espresso/ice cream makers or food processors ~ but my downfall is buying trivial items for myself. Having done a quick inventory of what I own, I have enough clothes/shoes/handbags/jewelry/toiletries/books to last me for years! So, my plan is to fast from spending anything on myself for the whole of 2010. It will be tough, but I will try hard, and the money I save I intend to donate to the relief appeal for Haiti, through an organisation such as Caritas Internationalis. I will make only two exceptions ~ my coffees out with my daughters at Costa, because that is important Mother/Daughter time, and my weekly fresh flowers because they bring joy and beauty into my home. Let’s see how I get on!

Have you made any resolutions for this year? If so, let me know in the comments

a meditation…

Everything I read lately seems to hold the same message…could God be trying to tell me something?!

This is a meditation from this lovely site: The Journey 

A reflection on today’s Sacred Scripture: 1 Samuel 3:1-10, 19-20

So, where do you hear the voice of God?

Samuel was called by God in the quiet of the night and it still took him a few times to understand who was calling him. Elijah heard God after the earthquake, storm and fire had passed, but only in a quiet whisper. Moses communed with God in solitude on a mountain top. Our Lord went into the wilderness frequently to pray. It seems that God is best heard in the quiet solitude.

Never before in history has mankind been so bombarded with noise. We face a continuous stream from television, radio, the internet, magazines, mail, email, billboards and on and on and on. We have come to the point where it is difficult to hear any distinct message among all the messages presented to us nearly all the time. Hundreds and even thousands of years ago mankind did not have near the noise we have today; but yet, the good people of God found Him in quiet solitude.

Now, more than ever, we need to seek God in periods of quiet solitude. We may find him in quiet prayer in our homes, during Eucharistic adoration, or on retreats. God is there in His quiet whisper, talking to us and it is up to us to escape the noise and hear Him.

~ Don Claunch

It is hard to cut out the noise and distraction of other voices, and to centre in on the still, small voice of God. Take this example ~ the other day at work, I was leading a class in a relaxation and guided meditation. In the meditation, we were going on an inner journey of the imagination to a cottage set in snow-covered countryside, to relax in front of a log fire. All the time I was reading the meditation, which was meant to induce a sense of warmth, peace and relaxation, I could hear a very loud teacher’s voice coming from the other side of the classroom partition. As a result, I found it hard to concentrate on my words, and the students found it hard to really enter into the spirit of the meditation. The voice, loud and persistent, kept butting in.

It is pretty much the same when we are listening to God. As He speaks His words of comfort and peace, or conviction, to our souls, we will be aware of other, louder, more persistent inner voices butting in. Our own concerns in prayer, thoughts of what to make for tea, which bills need paying, anxieties we are stressing about. Or the noise may come from outside of us ~ neighbours playing loud music, babies crying, children chattering, the radio in another room, the washing machine spinning. How can we find our peace? How can we hear the voice of God?

To be realistic, we can’t always switch off the other noises which distract us. It’s not always possible to shut ourselves away on retreat or in the quietness of our closet (although we can try to do this for 10, 15 minutes each day). What we can do though, is to retreat inwardly, and focus our thoughts on God…by reciting an aspiration, a prayer, a memorised verse of Scripture. To just pause and take a deep breath and imagine we are making sacred space to breathe in His Holy Spirit. Even to see the noise and distraction as a manifestation of God’s presence in our world, through the smile of a child, the interactions with family, the natural world. Just to light a candle and look into the flame for a few minutes can bring the light of Christ into the darkness of our day.

I hope I can make time for God today ~ I hope you can too!

Wisdom from St. Therese

I am amazed at how St. Therese’s words are so often relevant to my life situation ~ but then she is my confirmation Saint after all! God put us together for a reason

Yesterday, I touched on the fact that all has not been well chez Mrs.Pogle, mainly due to my attitude, and I am going through a period of “attitude adjustment” right now. Looking for something edifying to read last night during a snatched quiet moment, I picked up a little CTS booklet I was given as a present when I was received into the Church. It is no ordinary CTS booklet, but a very old one, published 2 months before I was even born (see the image above). It was very precious to the person who gave it to me, and it is very precious to me.

My problem has been in my attitude towards giving and service, in that I have been secretly expecting some kind of reward, or affirmation for my generosity, and have grown weary because I’m not gaining anything for myself. It’s that ego-cry “what about me?” which manifests in feeling taken for granted. But Christ taught us an entirely different way of giving, the kind where our left hand doesn’t know what our right is doing. Bld. Mother Teresa called it “loving until it hurts”. Saint Therese writes:

“If any man take away thy coat, let go thy cloak unto him also” (Matthew 5:40) It seems to me that to give up ones cloak is to renounce every right, and look upon oneself as the servant, the slave of all. Divested of a cloak, however, it is easier to walk or run, so the Master adds: “And whosoever will force thee one mile, go with him another two.” Hence it is not enough for me to give to the one who asks, I ought to anticipate the wish; I should show myself honoured by the request for service and if anything set apart for my use be taken away I should appear glad to get rid of it (my note: including my time!)

Time has been a big issue for me lately MY time, MY space, MY freedom has been the cry on my lips, and there have been days when I have begrudged every moment given to others. Yes, of course I live a busy life, and of course I get tired and stressed like everyone else, but God has called me to a life of giving in the home, and if He has called me, then He will equip me with all that I need if I just surrender it all to Him. I shall try to emulate the attitude of St. Therese, one day at a time!

One thing I need to work on is creating those little moments of time and space for myself around my other commitments. If I can’t have big chunks of “me time”, I can have little moments. I am working on creating an atmosphere of peace, calm and warmth in the home, for myself and others ~ I shall write about that on my Life on the Home Front blog later!

In my evening devotions yesterday, I came across this prayer in a little book of prayers, which seemed to seal the commitment I have decided to make…I hope it helps you, too

Lord Jesus Christ, alive and at large in the world,
Help me to follow and find You there today,
In the places where I work, meet people, spend money and make plans.
Take me as a disciple of Your Kingdom,
To see others through Your eyes,
And to listen to the questions You are asking through them;
To welcome all men and women with Your trust and truth,
And to change the things that contradict God’s love,
By the power of the Cross, and in the freedom of Your Spirit.
Amen.

Saint Zita

For those of you who follow my Life on the Home Front blog, I have continued my posts on the life of Saint Zita. For the latest one, please click here: Saint Zita: guarding the tongue.

 

snow and birthdays

Those of you in the UK will know we have been caught in the grip of a freezing winter, with lots of snow and very low temperatures (it reached -22 in Scotland, and -13 in the area where I live one night last week). The above satellite photo (click for a supersize image) is a snapshot of the UK last week, and looks very strange, our “green and pleasant land” totally buried under a blanket of snow, the like of which most of us have never seen before! Today, it has thawed a little, and the temperature is just above freezing, which after last week feels warm! It’s amazing how one acclimatises :) I even had an unexpected day off work last week due to heavy snow. To be honest, I live in area which wasn’t too adversely affected by the snow, and was able to get out and about, and do my shopping etc., but there has been a slowness and a stillness in the quiet white-ness, and a cosiness from days and nights indoors in front of an open fire, eating home-made soup and drinking hot, nutmeg-spiced coffee. In many ways I will be sad to say goodbye to the snow ~ life provides so few opportunities for slowing down the pace ~ normally I have to work hard to make such times happen. It’s lovely when they happen all by themselves!

But it’s back to normal as from today, at work and at home, and a return to “ordinary time”. I love the fact that it is called ”ordinary” in the Liturgy, as it calls to mind the majority of our life, ordinary, everyday, sometimes mundane life. It can even feel like one is going round in circles at these times, living the same day, day-in day-out…and yet God is present in this daily ordinariness, and hallows and sanctifies it. It is the training ground where, if we allow Him to, God can work on our attitudes and our behaviours. In simple terms, it is life’s training ground, where our spiritual muscles get a work-out. I like to think of this time as “blessed ordinariness”…it may seem humdrum and repetitive, but in it God plants the seeds of many fertile opportunities to love and serve Him and others. May I always be open and receptive. I am making steps to do this by listening to a CD of Gregorian chant on the bus on the way to work!

To be even more honest, I have been rubbish at sanctifying my life lately and have fallen into an attitude of “murmuring” (the Benedictine word for grumbling!) and fighting against my home-life and my calling in the home. I had one of those moments yesterday when I saw myself, as if God had held a mirror up to me, and didn’t like what I saw. I have sunk into “miserableness” lately, exacerbated by tiredness…and enough is enough. I know I need to surrender my heart to God, and allow Him to give me back the joy in life. Yesterday’s revelation was painful, but necessary, and I thank God for it!

Well, we have the 2 January birthdays out of the way. Daughter no. 1 was 27 on Friday, and Grandson no. 1 is 4 today, but we had his party yesterday, so of course, Mamar got to be cake-maker again! I couldn’t make the cake I really wanted, as the roll-out fondant icing I ordered didn’t arrive through the post in time, so I had to improvise. In the end I was pleased with the result, and more importantly, so was he This is the cake…

May I wish you all a blessed day, and a fruitful week. God bless!

for the start of the year

crisp
winter whiteness
frozen leaves
crunching
under foot
the noise of
joy-full-ness

fresh and
new and
clean
a porcelain world
fragile
yet
bone-china-tough
enough
to take my weight

I wait
at the edge of life
un-folding
unsure
what to grasp
and how
but hold my
hand out anyway

close my eyes

trust

Welcome, 2010!

It’s a brand new year. Many blessings to you all in it

I don’t really see the New Year as having much spiritual significance, as my new year starts with the Church’s Liturgical year, at Advent, but never-the-less, there is a sense of a clean page to write on which comes with January 1st. One cannot help but look back over the past, and look forward to the future, and hopefully see God’s hand upon both.

So, what does this new year bring? A renewed sense of commitment to God? I hope so, for all of us. It reminds me of this prayer:

I am no longer my own but yours.
Put me to what you will,
rank me with whom you will;
put me to doing,
put me to suffering;
let me be employed for you,
or laid aside for you,
exalted for you,
or brought low for you;
let me be full,
let me be empty,
let me have all things,
let me have nothing:
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal.
And now, glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
you are mine and I am yours…Amen

…which is actually a Methodist covenant prayer, but seems to do very nicely But I wonder, if like me, you hesitate over some of the lines? Let me be laid aside…brought low…be empty…have nothing…have I  truly the courage to pray for emptiness as well as fullness? Nothing as well as all things? With God’s grace, I hope so.

I have been doing some reading, some thinking, some searching over the last few days. I have been reading Divine Intimacy since the beginning of Advent, and I have never read such a wonderful devotional book! It has been immensely helpful and soul-feeding. One passage which struck me was this:

“The Lord is continually urging us to generosity and abnegation in all the circumstances of our life, even the smallest ones. We must give ourselves to God without hesitation, certain that if God asks anything of us He will also give us the strength to carry out His wishes.”

Divine Intimacy: volume I, Father Gabriel

I have struggled with selfishness greatly over the Christmas period, as my own needs have clashed with those around me. I have failed in many ways to be the light to others that God would want me to be. I am grateful that He provides us with new beginnings every day, and the chance to put right what we have made wrong. I randomly chose a Saint for 2010 by clicking on the calendar of Saints with my eyes closed, and came up with none other than Saint Peter ~ how apt! The Disciple who denied Christ, who was flawed in so many ways, and who fell quite disastrously ~ and yet God raised him up and built His Church upon him, the Rock. Saint Peter, pray for me!

The Scripture verses I have chosen for this year (believing them God-given) are from Hebrews:

“Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.  Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;”

Hebrews 12:12-15

…and a number of things stand out: a prayer for God to heal that which is dislocated (thrown out-of-order; upset; disordered); a prayer for peace between myself and other people; a prayer for holiness; a prayer against bitterness and defilement ~ so much to think about in so few words! The issue of bitterness is relevant, as I have realised over the last couple of weeks that there are still seeds of bitterness within me over a relationship that was fractured last year. When we taste a bitter substance, our faces shrink and our tongue recoils. Similarly, when we harbour bitterness in our hearts, our souls shrink and recoil. If I do nothing else, I must pray for God to free me from this bitterness, and replace it with the sweet taste of His Grace!

So, I start this new year with much to think about, and much to hope in God for…and with a sense of His all-pervading, all-encompassing, overwhelming love for me, His child. May God lead me and guide me and teach me how to be like Him and our Blessed Mother. May He do so for you too!

My blogging has been quiet and sparse for some time now, and I intend to rectify that too, and become a regular blogger again. Thanks to those who still visit and read my occasional ramblings. And many, many thanks to those who regularly post prayer requests to our dear Saint Therese. You are all lifted up to God and prayed for, even when I don’t have time to reply. May God bless all of you, and hear and answer your prayers…our God is a God of new beginnings!

A different perspective on Christmas

…not the Christmas card version!

My Christmas has been, well, awful basically, and as the week has gone on I have sunk into a black hole due to my circumstances.

But reflecting on the season, I have come to realise, through prayer and talking to God as much as I have been able, that Christmas isn’t really all about presents and snow and happy family times. Jesus was born into a world of conflict and darkness, in the poorest of circumstances. What came immediately afterwards, with the flight into Egypt, isn’t the stuff of Christmas cards either. In fact, it wasn’t for another 33 years that the light promised at Christmas was finally recognised for what it was.

These realisations have helped me immensely in coming to terms with the darkness of this years Christmas season, and the fact that hope is for the future, but not something we can always feel the benefits of in the present. Hanging on my Christmas tree, I have a small ceramic cross, upon which the words “hope” are written. It has been a beacon for me, reminding me that God holds the future in His hands, and enabling me to offer up this time of trial.

I hope this reflection helps someone else who has had a difficult time over the last week.

Some photos…

Note: I only intended to keep the photo of my family up for a short while, to preserve our privacy. Sorry if you missed it!

A wedding and a weekend break

I have been away, to bonny Scotland ~ and my, was it bonny! I have never seen such beautiful scenery before, made all the more breathtaking by the bright winter sunshine and sharp frost. A magical, crisp, white, clean world.

I was in Scotland for a very special reason ~ my youngest daughter’s wedding. We were only a very small party, and the wedding took place in an exclusive hotel, where we were all looked after very well by the loveliest hotel manager. The room in which the wedding took place was decorated with a fireplace full of candles and a grand piano in the corner…there was wedding cake and champagne…we had two lounges at our disposal, with open log fires and a sideboard stacked with a ridiculous number of bottles of Scotch whisky! We then retired to an impressively sized wood-panelled billiards room, complete with stags heads and stuffed pheasants, and the men had a game of snooker on a huge table! Watching my daughter get married was incredibly moving, and the ceremony was simple and romantic. She looked beautiful, an absolute dream…my little girl all grown up! I am so proud!!

We stayed in a beautiful bay ot far from Oban for the weekend, in wonderfully warm log cabins overlooking a perfect beach. In the mornings when we woke, the golden glow of the dawn lit up a fantasy world of sparkling white frost, totally still and quiet ~ and the sunsets were amazing, deep reds, purples, oranges, pinks. Now we are home, but I have left a sizeable chunk of my heart in Scotland, and plan to go back in the summer next year, God willing…here is a glimpse of the bay in summer, but I will post some photos of the beautiful frosty mornings and golden sunsets as soon as I take them off the camera!