Humility & Prayer

Last night, before bed, I picked up a book from my bookcase, called Breakthrough Prayers for Women, published by Victory Inc. (I kid you not!) and turned to the section on ‘Insomnia’, as I wasn’t sleeping…I just wanted a reference for the verse which says “So He sends His beloved sleep…” [Psalm 127v2], but I started flicking throught the index and the introduction…

There was a prayer for a woman who has had a hysterectomy…why hadn’t I found this earlier? Excited I turned to the relevant page. The prayer, it turned out, was a prayer of praise for all God has done, and will do in me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I will praise Him despite everything, and look, He has done a new thing in me! And look again, isn’t this a wonderful thing? You get the picture…

Now please, don’t get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with praising God in the middle of defeats and difficulties and painful circumstances. But it has to be held in balance with our need to feel that pain, acknowledge it and if necessary, grieve…I am so glad I didn’t turn to this book a few months ago when I was racked with pain, feeling the loss of my womb etc. etc., and still unsure whether the tumour was cancerous or not. At that time, the prayers I needed were those which entered into that pain with me, and enabled me to feel it and THEN begin to move on…

Reading the introduction to the book, much was made of faith and standing on the promises of God, because I am told, if we do this in faith then our prayers WILL be answered; and we WILL be able to claim health and well-being and prosperity as our birthright; and God’s promises are ROCK SOLID as long as we have FAITH; and MORE FAITH and ENOUGH FAITH! I was exhausted by the end of the first page, reading it was like listening to someone shouting at me…

I also have a problem with the suggestion of thanking God in advance for specific answers to prayer which haven’t happened yet. For instance, I have actually heard someone pray, thanking God for the car they knew He already had picked out for them. I’ve never heard anyone thank God for taking their car away, so they could learn to be more resourceful. Equally, I found it too hard to thank God for turning my mourning into dancing when I was hobbling around clutching my stitches in a morphine-induced haze! I like to be real…

Dare I say, that in my humble opinion, standing on the promises of God in faith is not a magic formula which will give us our hearts’ desires? We cannot claim anything by right, but everything we receive is according to the will of God which is different for each of us, and for some of us, God has prepared a cup of suffering. And praising in the midst of pain is only going to work if that pain is first acknowledged, and all the feelings that go with it.

Gee, I have some rubbish on my bookshelf…I don’t even want to give it away to subject someone else to its false claims of victorious Christian living. It was a welcome relief instead to pick up a book of the writings of St. Therese, who was content to be a daisy at the feet of Christ, and who revelled on her lowly status, knowing that through it, God stooped all the more lower to reach her, and lift her up to Him. Declaring ourselves a warrior princess and a woman of strength is not always the best way to walk the road to humility, and too much confidence and self-esteem only leads to others being trampled at the side of the road…

This is what mother Teresa said, instead:

Antidotes to Pride

It is our emptiness and lowliness that God needs and not our plenitude. These are a few of the ways we can practice humility:

• Speak as little as possible of oneself.
• Mind one’s own business.
• Avoid curiosity.
• Do not want to manage other people’s affairs.
• Accept contradiction and correction cheerfully.
• Pass over the mistakes of others.
• Accept blame when innocent.
• Yield to the will of others.
• Accept insults and injuries.
• Accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.
• Be kind and gentle even under provocation.
• Do not seek to be specially loved and admired.
• Never stand on one’s dignity.
• Yield in discussion even though one is right.
• Choose always the hardest.

May I ask your respose to that list? May I ask, is your spirit rising up in indignation thinking “why should I throw away everything I’ve strived for? Position, self-esteem, other’s opinions of me, successes, strengths, in exchange for this terrible weakness which seeks to undo everything I’ve ever acheived…?” That was my initial response, because it goes against the grain of everything the world teaches us…

And yet there was another, quieter, gentler altogether more humbler yieldeing within, of the kind which whispers, “yes”, and wants only to become more and more ‘nothing’ more and more ‘little’, like Therese, knowing that really, that is the only way to God’s heart…

Food for thought? I know I would rather listen to the words of a woman who has lived this kind of life. More images here.